My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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