my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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