Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
