I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
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My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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