what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
