In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
