I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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