sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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