if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Randomize
