1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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