She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Randomize
