now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
