...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
