haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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