i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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