she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
