First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
