glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Randomize
