Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
