i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
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