Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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