Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Randomize
