You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
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Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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