It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
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