you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
