Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Randomize
