Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
my being single is dangerous.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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