My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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