NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Banned from zoo.
Again?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
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I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
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We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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