By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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