I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Bring me that man meat
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
