is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
