i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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