she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
