Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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