I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Randomize
