your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
