i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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