I can't watch pbs sober anymore
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
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I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
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So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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