please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
only if we run a train.
done.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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