Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
