is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
