sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
