Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Randomize
