so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
