I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
