Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
