i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
