You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
How's work?
Spinning.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Randomize
