So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
