I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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