Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
