I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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