why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
