a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
