Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Found your dick twin last night
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
