yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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