He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
