just come out here and I will go home with you...
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
