I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
