The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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