haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
