they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
