you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
