Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
