Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
