youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
